covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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