i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
