oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
