I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
