This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
