And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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