last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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