This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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