They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
