I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
