Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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