no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
