I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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