Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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