Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
