Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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