At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
