That's when you crack a 10am beer
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I did not marry a roomba.
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