I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
