Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
