when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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