No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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