I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
