My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
