I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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