i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
