I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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