I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
