Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
