Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
