I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
