do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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