so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
