just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
