Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
