Actions speak louder than pants.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
