Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
