the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
