I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
