If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
