Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
