How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
