In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
