I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want to make out with him forever
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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