whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
