I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
