Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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