How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
ttyl tear gas
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
