The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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