yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
smell my finger.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
