your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
